If you love me, great.
If you hate me, whatever.



| aidie |
| alyy |
| aminah |
| ann |
| anna |
| bal |
| cindy |
| debbie |
| ebrahim |
| eunice |
| fah |
| fazrina |
| glam |
| ida |
| isabel |
| jamilah |
| karen |
| keenan |
| laypeng |
| melvin |
| natasha |
| nazirah |
| nisak |
| raihanah |
| rudy |
| salmah |
| sham |
| shams |
| sharon |
| suhaida |
| syai |
| tami |
| yusman |
| yuwen |
| zakk |
| zhenyi |
| zhirong |






December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010

I just thought this song would suit this post. HAHA. ;]

I'm so over grovelling over him.
It's never healthy, considering I haven't been treating myself well this past week.
Since he wants me to be strong, I'll claim to be.
Wellyeah, I'm still working on it here and there.

Nevertheless, the pain has somehow lessen today.
I guess after crying my heart out to him a few days ago, I've realised how badly I've rotated my world around him.
I've been overly dependent on him that I failed to see that I can stand with my own two feet.
I guess this was the message he was trying to send? I really don't know.
What I know now is that...I can live being alone and independent.

I'm not saying that I like the idea of not having a boyfriend.
I do.....always.
Maybe I'm just starting to realise that being less dependent is not so hard after all.
I've moved on to a more if-you-need-me-then-i'm-here-if-not-i'm-out kind of person.
It's a big step I decided to make considering that's not really me.
I mean I have to admit, I want to be beside him through everything he goes through.
But I guess it's too much to ask from anyone.

Andyeah, who says I can't be happy with other people?
I have awesome friends who makes me feel how awesome I am to have them everyday.
My family loves me and so does my adorable and loving dog, Chester.
I guess I needed Neil to be with me all the time because I only wanted to feel secure.
I wanted to feel like a hug would just embrace me anytime I get enshrouded by fears.
Butyeah, who also says I can't tuck myself to sleep? ;]

I used to think I can't do all these things alone.
But you know what? I'm pretty sure I can now. ;]
I feel stronger and more independent now as ever.
And I think I can totally do this, just you wait and see.
A new me has been born.


3:44 AM

Sometimes the best cure for a tearing heart is not through watching hours of drama.
Neither is it through a pint of icecream (though I still love you Ben & Jerry).
Most of the time, it's simply by blurting it out to someone.
And if there's nobody around, cover your mouth with a pillow and scream.

Butyeahh, in my world we don't do that.
In my world, we keep our mouth shut and we let the rest guide us in what to do.

No, not that I'm making the world judge or control me.
I'm simply letting the world take over, cos I'm fucken tired managing it.
I'm sick of pretending that I can handle everything, cos truthfully I CANT.
I suck, in a justin bieber way.
YES, YOU GET WHAT I MEAN.
I try so hard to make people like me, but I guess I have to lose one way or another.



Kay...
There's no easier way telling this.
But I feel that I have to, since I know my friends would eventually read this and (hopefully) understand.
Neil and I.......





Well, I guess you can say we temporarily broke up.....









As painful as it is seeing myself type those words together, it's true.
It happened a week ago, and I was too embarrassed to tell you guys.
Maybe because we've always been that "perfect relationship" some of you look up to.
Telling me how compatible we are. How we were so meant for each other.
Well...all of those theories are put on hold now.
I ain't expecting him to come back so soon either, likewise am I ready to turn around.
All I need now are my friends.
I'm telling this here because it's too hard for me to tell you guys upfront.
I was planning to keep it till it's over, but I feel that y'all deserve to know what's happening.
Just so you know, I can't take pity talks and long discussions about how "all of this would work out in the end".
Soyeahh, you guys can leave that part out.
When you see me smile or hear me laugh...just be happy for me.
No questions asked.

Andyeahh, I guess it would help if a friend or two would keep me from breaking down.
Being without the same man for a year wouldn't be easy for a few days.
If I decide to walk away, hold me.
If I say that I feel great, look at me and show me that you know I don't.
If I hallucinate for awhile, slap me.
Kay not really, if you slap me I'll slap you back. ;]




I guess what I'm asking here is just pretend you're happy for me.
As if you never knew I posted this up.
Refrain from speaking his name or asking me how he is.
The last thing I need is a reason to think about him.

I guess this song doesn't apply anymore.
Ohwell, atleast it used to mean something to me.




Anyway...yeah.
I guess that's it.
I'm sorry if I update such a post after 3weeks being gone.

1:00 AM