If you love me, great.
If you hate me, whatever.



| aidie |
| alyy |
| aminah |
| ann |
| anna |
| bal |
| cindy |
| debbie |
| ebrahim |
| eunice |
| fah |
| fazrina |
| glam |
| ida |
| isabel |
| jamilah |
| karen |
| keenan |
| laypeng |
| melvin |
| natasha |
| nazirah |
| nisak |
| raihanah |
| rudy |
| salmah |
| sham |
| shams |
| sharon |
| suhaida |
| syai |
| tami |
| yusman |
| yuwen |
| zakk |
| zhenyi |
| zhirong |






December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010

Ughh, I don't really care anymore.
I'm upset, I'm fucked up, and as far as everybody knows...I'm single.
I'm pissed, cos nothing's turning out the way he promised.
Screw the world, I swear I'm done giving a crap.

I'm not mad because I'm bitter about the whole "I'm leaving you to grow" scene.
I'm mad because everything's becoming worse, and I feel like everything's only a made-up excuse.
I was the one who got left behind, but I'm being pathetic enough to chase.
I'm the one who's hurting, but I'm still being the one who consoles everything.
WTF, I suck. -..-

It's been a month of this and nothing has changed.
Tell me, do you think I still have the heart to go on when there's nothing good to expect?
I'm like waiting blindly for something to happen, but I don't get anything.
So much for having a relationship. Now it's just all about you.

I love my friends. Atleast you guys are always there. ♥


12:43 PM

I just thought this song would suit this post. HAHA. ;]

I'm so over grovelling over him.
It's never healthy, considering I haven't been treating myself well this past week.
Since he wants me to be strong, I'll claim to be.
Wellyeah, I'm still working on it here and there.

Nevertheless, the pain has somehow lessen today.
I guess after crying my heart out to him a few days ago, I've realised how badly I've rotated my world around him.
I've been overly dependent on him that I failed to see that I can stand with my own two feet.
I guess this was the message he was trying to send? I really don't know.
What I know now is that...I can live being alone and independent.

I'm not saying that I like the idea of not having a boyfriend.
I do.....always.
Maybe I'm just starting to realise that being less dependent is not so hard after all.
I've moved on to a more if-you-need-me-then-i'm-here-if-not-i'm-out kind of person.
It's a big step I decided to make considering that's not really me.
I mean I have to admit, I want to be beside him through everything he goes through.
But I guess it's too much to ask from anyone.

Andyeah, who says I can't be happy with other people?
I have awesome friends who makes me feel how awesome I am to have them everyday.
My family loves me and so does my adorable and loving dog, Chester.
I guess I needed Neil to be with me all the time because I only wanted to feel secure.
I wanted to feel like a hug would just embrace me anytime I get enshrouded by fears.
Butyeah, who also says I can't tuck myself to sleep? ;]

I used to think I can't do all these things alone.
But you know what? I'm pretty sure I can now. ;]
I feel stronger and more independent now as ever.
And I think I can totally do this, just you wait and see.
A new me has been born.


3:44 AM

Sometimes the best cure for a tearing heart is not through watching hours of drama.
Neither is it through a pint of icecream (though I still love you Ben & Jerry).
Most of the time, it's simply by blurting it out to someone.
And if there's nobody around, cover your mouth with a pillow and scream.

Butyeahh, in my world we don't do that.
In my world, we keep our mouth shut and we let the rest guide us in what to do.

No, not that I'm making the world judge or control me.
I'm simply letting the world take over, cos I'm fucken tired managing it.
I'm sick of pretending that I can handle everything, cos truthfully I CANT.
I suck, in a justin bieber way.
YES, YOU GET WHAT I MEAN.
I try so hard to make people like me, but I guess I have to lose one way or another.



Kay...
There's no easier way telling this.
But I feel that I have to, since I know my friends would eventually read this and (hopefully) understand.
Neil and I.......





Well, I guess you can say we temporarily broke up.....









As painful as it is seeing myself type those words together, it's true.
It happened a week ago, and I was too embarrassed to tell you guys.
Maybe because we've always been that "perfect relationship" some of you look up to.
Telling me how compatible we are. How we were so meant for each other.
Well...all of those theories are put on hold now.
I ain't expecting him to come back so soon either, likewise am I ready to turn around.
All I need now are my friends.
I'm telling this here because it's too hard for me to tell you guys upfront.
I was planning to keep it till it's over, but I feel that y'all deserve to know what's happening.
Just so you know, I can't take pity talks and long discussions about how "all of this would work out in the end".
Soyeahh, you guys can leave that part out.
When you see me smile or hear me laugh...just be happy for me.
No questions asked.

Andyeahh, I guess it would help if a friend or two would keep me from breaking down.
Being without the same man for a year wouldn't be easy for a few days.
If I decide to walk away, hold me.
If I say that I feel great, look at me and show me that you know I don't.
If I hallucinate for awhile, slap me.
Kay not really, if you slap me I'll slap you back. ;]




I guess what I'm asking here is just pretend you're happy for me.
As if you never knew I posted this up.
Refrain from speaking his name or asking me how he is.
The last thing I need is a reason to think about him.

I guess this song doesn't apply anymore.
Ohwell, atleast it used to mean something to me.




Anyway...yeah.
I guess that's it.
I'm sorry if I update such a post after 3weeks being gone.

1:00 AM

Kay, since I'm wide awake now I shall blog.

I'm no longer used to being awake past 1:30am.
Being a designer, I should be. I know.
But for the past few days, I've been sleeping around 9-10pm.
Prolly because I'm sick, so ohwell. HEH.

SORE THROAT KICKED IN.
FEVER KICKED IN.
COUGH KICKED IN.
COLD KICKED IN.

One more and I'm seriously kicking someone's balls off.
Coughing and sneezing and clearing your throat in public is so unglam, I swear.
I feel like people got scared to be near me inside the train. Pfft.
Not as if I'm going to transform into a zombie or something.

FUCK L4D2.

Oooh awesome, I typed all that in less than a minute.
What a blabber-mouth I become when it's past midnight.
Well yeah, there are more things that happen past midnight but that's none of your business.

Moving on... *sultry look*

Today we had a studio photoshoot somewhere at Raffles Place.
It was awesome and small...and so much more awesome.
They sell their photos for $160 a pair, so yeah THEY TRIED TO SCAM OUR MONEY.
Luckily the dude offered to give us a softcopy for $45 each, what a moolah-saver.
The next time we're gonna photoshoot, it's gonna be in the school studio.
Where's it's more relaxed...
More enjoyable...
AND (yes, call me malay cos...) IT'S FREE.

Kay, I'm being forced to sleep now.
That was a good 10minutes conversation with you, THIN AIR. -..-
Till next time. *winks
1:51 AM

Woaw, this is bad. 3 weeks with no update.
-..- STEP POPULAR, as if people bother to read this.

Kay, where was I?
Oh yeah, I love curry fish head. :]
No, that wasn't what I was talking about.
Screw the randomness.

For the past three weeks, I've been L4D2-ing with the awesomexzxz.
It seems so sinful, since I have truckloads of work to do.
But who else would you call when a witch turns to a bitch?
*sings* GHOSTBUSTERS.
No, Ella. No, it's not cool.

Been doing lots of drinking too, since I'm spammed with May babies.
Zakk in one corner, Neil on the other.
Gene and Fah's birthdays are coming soon too.
It sucks to know that they both also love drinking. -..-
OHWELL, FREE ALCOHOL. (Y)

I'm so Malay, I know. *winkwink*



Yesterday, my family and I went to UNIVERSAL STUDIOS!
Fuck, I swear I felt like I was in America or something.
I had no idea Singapore was so capable of creating something as awesome as this.
I felt like a tourist, buying all their merchandise and taking pictures with the mascots.
AND THEIR RIDES WERE AWESOMEEEEE. :DDDD
I wouldn't mind paying 70bucks to go there for the second time.


I sat on a WHITE wet paint somewhere inside Universal Studios.
Annoying enough, I was wearing BLACK jeans.
Mom JUST HAD TO wipe it off my ass infront of so many people.
Ohwell, I guess it's hot seeing a girl touching another girl's ass.
BUT NOOOOO, the girl just had to be my mom. -..-

2:44 PM


WOO I'M BORED.
Well not really, I guess I'm just in the mood to blog.
So what if I'm weird, I don't tell you how to live your life.

Kay, so it's one week without any update.
Pfft, it's not as if people bother to read my insignificant blog anyway.
Btw after one week of school, I've realised that I am fat.


Zip it about my weight being 50kg cos MY TUMMY IS HUGE.
I sat down in my studio chair one day and felt my stomach overlapping my jeans.
OMFG I SAW MY LIFE FLASH BEFORE MY EYES.
Oh fuck it, some random dude just walked passed me holding my photo albums. -..-

So Syai and Zakk are like dragging people to watch Monkey's Paw tomorrow.
Not that I'm interested to watch a play about cursed Ah Meng feet.
But ohwell, I guess it'll be fun too.
I'll be there sipping coke and eating my double cheese burger.
Nomnomnomnomno...zzzzzzz

Kay, forget about me watching Monkey's Paw.
Amirah just told me that we have to do our studio project tomorrow.
SIANZXZXZXZ. Ohwell, anything for a 3.0 GPA.

Sometimes I really feel that school should just fuck itself. :]

11:18 PM

Hold on, give me one orgasmic moment...

.
.
.

Okay, let's go. ♥

HAHAHA, fuck it I love it when I'm random. xD
It shows how awesome I am, so come closer and kiss my feet.
No la, I'm not so bad.
BUT SERIOUSLY.

Okay, so today was an awesome dayyy. :D
I finally had my first school-lunchbreak in 2months. Yay mcwings!
Yesterday I had to starve myself till 4pm because the lecturers ate up my one-hour break. -..-
Then we had a debate session for one module which was freaking ELLA.
And I say ELLA, because it's now another term for COOL.
It's kinda like how JUSTIN BIEBER would mean GAY.
Okay, anyway. :D
We argued about how Jack Neo is a total douchebag and should seriously rot in hell.
I can't say my team won, cos both parties were making sense.
And that'd be so JUSTIN BIEBER of me.
*winkwink*
See what I mean, saying something's gay doesn't sound so evil anymore. WEEEE.

Do you know that the symbol of sheep in MSN is (bah)?
So if like there's a fish, it'll be (blopblop) and a parrot would be (bloodyirritatingecho)?
Oh I know! If there's a shark it'd be (tentenenen).
Yeh know...like in horror movies...they play the horror music...
AH FORGET IT YOU'RE LAME.
Cey, look who's talking. Hahahahaha. xD


10:32 PM